A lot has been written about how the displaced worker can find the next job, but we don’t see much about how to handle the emotional fallout of job loss. It is a large issue and it directly affects success in job search. Let’s be clear: We are not talking about clinical depression or anything close to it, nor are we giving advice in this arena. That is for the mental health professionals.

What we are talking about here is the predictable cycle of reactions that most of us who have experienced job loss have encountered once someone told us that our job is gone: shock, denial, anger, fear, a retreat from reality. Eventually we get to acceptance and gain traction in the search process. It is important to know, though, that this is not always a linear progression. We might be at acceptance only to slip back to fear or anger or both. A good first step may be to simply acknowledge our feelings.

Because at least half of all jobs today are found through networking, it is crucial that seekers get as comfortable as possible talking about their availability, and talking the right language as they do so.

I don’t want my clients to say “I lost my job.” Rather, the statement might be “my job was eliminated” or “my organization was forced to retrench and good people had to go.” Closely associated with that explanation is a very positive declaration “and these are the skills I can apply, and I’m eager to get going.” Ditch the hangdog; demonstrate the upbeat.

Too often, especially in the early stages of search, the embarrassment factor makes it difficult for some to approach others for advice, to say nothing of being able to place value on their skills or make their availability known. They retreat and circle the wagons when they should be sending the scouts out on their ponies.

Experienced outplacement professionals recognize that a lot of emotional energy is spent pondering “Why me?” That’s understandable, but it is an emotional state that has to be passed before effective search can begin. I would like to know who stole my first bike, from in front of the church no less, but I’ve stopped wondering. For a lot of reasons, both good and bad, rarely will anyone give you all the rationale. That does not mean you shouldn’t reflect on your past performance, your work habits and your ability to relate to others. Reflect, resolve and get on with the search. You will have an opportunity to ratchet your performance to an even higher level at your next position.

Some seekers get dragged back closer to the swamp by well-meaning former co-workers. They will tell you that they can’t believe what happened to you and what a huge mistake it was to eliminate your position. Don’t get caught up in this. It will only delay your progress. Appreciate your friends’ comments, but realize the fiscal responsibility wasn’t theirs. The decision wasn’t theirs.

 

Their concern for you is genuine, but they aren’t going to tell you that, good as you are, it was a wise business decision to cut your department of your product or your service.

 

Understand, too, that those who love you can unwittingly roil your emotions. They may want you to apply for what-ever job is open, not realizing what bad career choices some of those may be.

A lot of job search is deliberate, measured effort and time consuming. When I hear a client say “I’m sending out resumes,” I hear a code that means “I’m engaged in a relatively painless exercise with miniscule rate of return.” If you have outplacement help, or help from an experienced and trusted friend who has been through the process, follow your plan and be patient with loved ones. They have their own emotional cycle to contend with, including fear and anger.

You will land. When it comes to inserting yourself in your new organization, have a plan. Build alliances from day one. Listen well. Seek a mentor, even an informal one. Be a good teammate. Focus on the positive. Refrain from criticizing your old organization, even if it deserves it. Effective job search and successful transition require that you pay attention to the emotions involved.

It’s a pretty good bet that any job search coach you run into is going to stress the importance of networking in finding that next job. It’s likely they will tell you that at least half of all positions are found through networking, either directly or as an important component of the process.

So, it might be good to review the biggest mistakes people make in networking.

1. ASKING FOR A JOB.

This is counter intuitive, but asking a contact if there is something available in her organization is almost always a dead end. “No, but send me your resume and I’ll ask around.” Too often that is the end of the story. You might want to end up with your resume being shopped around, but don’t start there.

Ask for help, but not a job. “How did you go about your job search?” “You changed industries. How hard was that?” “I’m looking at (kind of position). Do you think my resume supports that?” Get your contact to see and care about the person behind the resume.

2. NOT HAVING A TARGET.

Most people you contact will want to help. The question they will ask is some version of “What are you looking for?” Your answer is not your previous job title. There was only one of those. Examine your skills. If you were a production manager, you know inventory and that opens possibilities: distribution, warehouse management, logistics or transportation. If you practiced relationship selling, you know customer service and sales management. Don’t network until you can make a clear, logical and concise statement that causes people to say “I’m getting the picture.”

3. ONLY TARGETING POWERFUL PEOPLE.

If you can get to them, good for you. But they can be hard to reach and they are prone to delegate your request. Work toward them through others. Remember, you are not asking for a job. You want information on business changes, pending retirements, new customers or products or locations. Mine church contacts, service clubs, neighbors, former associates, your references and volunteer organizations.

4. ASKING ONLY ONCE.

 It’s not networking until it is at least to the third power. The string might go like this: (1.) phone contact (2.) e-mail or paper thank- you note (3.) resume sent by hard mail or electronics (4.) brief follow-up report on advice the contact gave (5.) coffee or lunch. You have to stay on their radar screens.

5.  FEELING THAT YOU ARE A PEST.

Get over it. You will be pleasantly surprised at how helpful people will be. Prepare for the contact. Plan and rehearse your message. Be concise.

6. NOT USING GOLDEN REFERENCES. 

 Have a strategy for not only getting to people, but also for creating a productive environment. Let’s say you want to talk to someone involved with a particular company or industry, but you don’t know that person well, or at all. Find a mutual contact, someone much closer to the target person. Explain your need. Get the person’s approval to use her or his name. And afterward, thank them both.

7. BEING PUT OFF BY PEOPLE WHO DON’T READILY RESPOND.

You’ve got one job: getting a job. They have hundreds. Why would you be surprised that they are triaging and prioritizing calls? Most people will respond, eventually. Let their guilt complex work for you. Change your tactics. Call early or late in the day when there is a better chance of their being available. Be tactfully persistent.

8. THINKING OF NETWORKING ONLY IN TERMS OF UNCOVERING POSITIONS.

Congratulations. You have an interview scheduled. This is a good time to network into that organization. Do you know someone who works there? Someone who knows someone who does? Use your networking skills to supplement what you learned from the Web site or printed material.

But a word of caution: Be subtle. Don’t try to come off as an expert on their organization.

9. NOT TRACKING YOUR EFFORTS.

If you are going to create a buzz and leverage your contacts, you will be communicating with a lot of people. Keep track. Develop a feel for when to make the follow-up call. It could be a spreadsheet, a binder, or a journal. The important thing is to track who, what, and when.

10. WASTING GOOD NETWORKING OPPORTUNITIES BY STARTING BEFORE YOU ARE READY.

Think through who you are and what kind of work you would really like to do. Evaluate your skills and think creatively about how and where they might be used. Tone your resume. Pick two or three people that relate well to you and start with them.

That’s off-Broadway and spring training. Now you’re ready!